


Landmines On The Battlefield (Stay Alive)

by forest_roses



Series: give me your gravity, there is none here [7]
Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Second Person, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Warren Kepler Has Feelings, and now i'm working through that by projecting onto jacobi, and subjecting all of you to the results, i got shot at (kind of), i'll put more detailed warnings in the end notes, it didn't start out like that but it did end like that lol, it's not really any more intense than canon though lol, jacobi has trauma and sometimes he can't ignore it, lightly based on a true story, there is something so inherently homoromantic about patching up somebody's wounds, this sort of ended up being inspired by 15-1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28588260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forest_roses/pseuds/forest_roses
Summary: It is, oddly enough, a simple thing that breaks you.It's not the explosion going off too early, or the fact that there were three more innocent civilians in that building than there were supposed to be. It’s not the way your arm and shoulder aches from where the blast threw you back against the concrete, or the ringing in your ears for a few seconds afterwards that reminds you too closely of the times you’ve really, really messed things up.What actually breaks you is small, so small in comparison to everything around you, and that shakes you more than any of the rest of the situation.
Relationships: Daniel Jacobi/Warren Kepler
Series: give me your gravity, there is none here [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706251
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Landmines On The Battlefield (Stay Alive)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [15-1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24543982) by [forest_roses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/forest_roses/pseuds/forest_roses). 



> Content warnings are in the end notes.
> 
> Story behind this: A few days ago, my dad and I were out walking by the canal and the quarry on the outskirts of town (the road right between the two.) We heard somebody shooting a gun down in the quarry but didn't really think much of it (they weren't shooting in our direction and this is America so we're used to it unfortunately.) On our way back to the car, we heard a bullet fly over our heads and ended up bending down as far as we could while moving quickly away. Nobody got hurt and it was definitely not on purpose but it shook me a little, knowing how close we both came to getting injured or worse. So naturally, I decided I needed to write a kepcobi fic about it (a highly different situation of course.)
> 
> Shaking experiences aside, I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Title is from Amy Aka Spent Gladiator 1 by The Mountain Goats.

It is, oddly enough, a simple thing that breaks you.

It's not the explosion going off too early, or the fact that there were three more innocent civilians in that building than there were supposed to be, or the way the man you just shot three times in the chest grabs your ankle when you try to walk away, and you have to shoot him again (in the head this time.) It’s not the way your arm and shoulder aches from where the blast threw you back against the concrete, or the ringing in your ears for a few seconds afterwards that reminds you too closely of the times you’ve really, _really_ messed things up. You’ve been in situations like this before, and while you aren’t exactly at ease in them, they don’t affect you like this.

What actually breaks you is small, so small in comparison to everything around you, and that shakes you more than any of the rest of the situation. It’s unexpected, and you aren’t prepared for it. Usually you can thrive on that, but not this time.

The bullet whistles past your head, the sound making you instinctively throw your body to the ground. You have your gun in your hand, but by the time you look up to find the source of the shot, Kepler’s taken care of them. There’s a new, strange, shattered feeling in your chest, and it feels like it should hurt, like broken glass in your lungs, but instead you feel numb, and uncomfortable from the adrenaline inside you. Kepler looks you over, making sure you aren’t injured, and then the two of you make it back to the car and are driving away from the burning buildings behind you.

Kepler ditches the car in the woods and walks a safe distance away before calling Goddard. He’s angry, but not at you- at least you think it’s not at you. Your head is muffled, and the thoughts in it are trying to race around like they usually do, but they keep getting stuck. A couple are stuck long enough for you to decipher them; Kepler is talking angrily into the phone about faulty information and a lying informant ( _the man you shot_ , your brain supplies helpfully, before everything swims back out of focus.) You can hear a voice on the other end of the line that sounds rushed and a little intimidated. You can hear a lot right now, the sounds of the wind and the birds and the conversation nearby, and some sounds that don’t really make sense; breaking bottles and shouting, small explosions and surprised yells. It’s all too loud, crowding your mind and chest and throat with sound and keeping you from actually being able to say anything. 

When Kepler hangs up the phone, you realize he’s watching you. He’s been watching you for some time now, you know that because you heard his voice lower and soften, just a little, when he saw you. You’re sitting on an old tree trunk (the opposite end from the one that is currently covered in ants) and you’ve put both of your hands in your lap, clenched tightly together. Your knuckles have turned white, but the discomfort is a distraction from the darker, deeper, stabbing pain in your lungs. It’s been hard to breathe for a while, but you’re only just now noticing it. 

Kepler sits down next to you, the slightly rotten tree trunk giving a little under his weight. He reaches out (slowly, carefully) and takes one of your hands in his own, not complaining when you maintain the same bruising grip you had before. He doesn’t speak, or move much, just lets you regain a semblance of a normal breathing pattern before he stands up. Your hand is still in his, and you let him lead you out of the woods and towards the bus station. The blood splatters on your clothing blend into the black, and no one will pay much attention to the few scrapes and bruises visible on your skin, but you know going into public isn’t a risk Kepler likes to take. He’s doing it anyway, today, because you’re too shaken to walk all the way back to the hotel right now.

The bus is loud, and unclean. The noise and grit gets under your skin, but you just grip Kepler’s hand a little harder. Only a few minutes now. Only a few minutes until you’re at the hotel. You can do a few more minutes. 

You walk a block after the bus drops you off, and then lean against the wall while Kepler unlocks the door to your room. He only lets go of your hand once you’re inside, after he leads you to sit on the edge of the bed. You hear the water running in the bathroom, and him rustling inside one of your bags (the one with the medical supplies, probably.) The adrenaline from earlier has worn down now, and you feel weak and shaky, and there are several cuts and bruises that you couldn’t feel earlier that are now making their presence very well known.

It still feels too difficult to draw breath, that dull ache in your chest sharpening when you try. It hurts to move your torso, and you realize you probably have some bruised ribs. It’s certainly not the worst injury you’ve sustained on a mission, but something about it still shakes you, and you can feel yourself slipping back into the numbness from before. It feels like you’re swimming underwater, all your senses muffled, eyesight a little blurry.

Kepler is in front of you now, and he has his hands on the hem of your shirt, a question in his eyes. You nod, and he pulls the shirt up and over your arms. You think you wince at the pain it causes, but by now you’ve floated so far away from this situation that it’s hard to tell. Kepler is checking your ribs now, and he has a soft rag in his hands that he’s using to clean away the blood and dirt from your skin. You should probably take a shower, actually, but it’s not going to happen right now, with you so far removed from reality.

Eventually, he deems you cleaned up enough, and hands you a change of clothes from the bag next to him. When you come back from the bathroom, Kepler is stitching up a long cut on his arm. He looks up at you, and you just nod at him again before getting into bed, your back up against the headboard, propped against a couple pillows. Sometime between the explosion going off and now, the sky has darkened, and you judge it to be late evening by the light filtering in through the flimsy curtains. The room is warm, and the heater rasps loudly in the corner.

Kepler sits next to you while you fall asleep, reading something on his phone. His breathing is steady, and you work on matching yours to it with your eyes closed. The pain in your chest is still present, but it’s grounding you more now, and you can feel yourself moving away from the water in your mind as you drift from it into sleep. You’ll both leave before it gets to morning, and be well on your way back to Goddard headquarters when the sun rises, but for now, the fading light and the cars passing outside are a welcome background to your tired mind.

The hand Kepler has still holding yours helps, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: A bullet goes over Jacobi's head and he has a panic attack. Some general, canon-typical gun violence and murder. Implied ptsd and previous abuse.
> 
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated! I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
